My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dating After Heartbreak
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm sobbing to NWA
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.