the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.