I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why is there bacon in the couch?