Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"