This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
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I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
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What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.