i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize