I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
