the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
