If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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