Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
