white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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