he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
