I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize