It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
