his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
