it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
