9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
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She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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