I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
