Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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