i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
