I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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