It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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