u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
