well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
