What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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