new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
