Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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