Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
