She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize