time to smoke my breakfast
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
