He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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