Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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