there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
