That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize
