remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
