At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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