i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
