You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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