I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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