do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
