You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
nutella sex= disaster
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
