8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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