I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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