one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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