Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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