she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
