HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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