I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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