I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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