We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
