dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
