I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize