she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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