So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you will always have a special place in my vag
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
