Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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