My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
