I wish i was in the wii world.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
