How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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