she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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