you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
