Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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