Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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