I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize