omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize